Today was definitely funky. Not Disco-funky; but dirty, sweaty socks-funky. Wait... same thing. My bad.

And to top it off, I took a quiz over at Quizilla and it proved what I, and the "billions and billions" of people who talk behind my back (Bastards!) have known for years:
I AM A WHAT?




What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah, pretty much saw that coming didn't you.... Well?... Oh, bite me!

Random thought: If your head hurts, then you fart and it stops hurting, does that mean you're qualified to run the country? Just curious.

Today is: The same, familiar, and redundant, etc.

Okay, this is why Cat is so damned cute:
http://textamerica.com/user.images/img_350438/T304012516290.jpg Copy, paste in your browser, GO. It'is well worth the trip, but...

Come Back after you see her pic!

Am I wrong? I don't think so!

Okay, that settled, why won't Cat write me back? I left her a message on her "Contact" section something like a week or two ago and.... NOTHING!
I'm not angry, I'm not even upset. I could never be angry with the lovely Cat Schwartz. I'm just disappointed. Bummed, you might say.

Cat, I'm not a stalker, just a big fan hoping to hear from you.

Until then, I sit, I wait, I bum.... Love ya, Cat!

Deep thought for the day: And I...I don't know why I try. And I... I don't know why I bother...

Today is: Warm and Fuzzy (Like a Cat) ;P

Speaking of cats, I finally got up the nerve to contact my favorite TechTV personality and (hopefully) future wife, cat Schwartz.

I KNOW... it sounds stupid being scared %!*^less to contact a TV celebrity, but she makes me feel tingly all over and makes me get butterflies in my stomach every time I watch her on Call For Help. Plus, you gotta love the website!www.techtv.com/callforhelp/

She is just so damned cute! I left her an open invitation to visit this website, so you just never know! I am 28 years old going on 29 and here I sit hoping she'll read this and feel good, knowing how good she makes feel inside, even with the fact that we don't know each other personally, although I certainly would never pass up the opportunity to get to know her on a more personal level.

Nothing would make me happier to be honest! (Hint-hint,Cat!)

Deep thought for the day: I'll have a whiskey on the rocks and change of a dollar for the jukebox.

Visit www.amtam.com
Visit www.amtam.com
Visit www.amtam.com
Visit www.amtam.com
Visit www.amtam.com
Visit www.amtam.com
Visit www.amtam.com
Visit www.amtam.com

And that's all I have to say about that! Oh, wait....

AMBER TAMBLYN IS AMAZING!

Okay, that's it... for now.

P.S. VISIT WWW.AMTAM.COM !

Today is: Highly caffeinated

Just found the other day by reading Parade, that Amber Tamblyn is single, for now.

In case you have, in fact, been living under a rock without a TV, Amber Tamblyn is the incredibly beautiful and highly talented actress who plays Joan Girardi on Joan of Arcadia. One of the best programs out there these days.

After all, I am probably the last person you would think of as religious. God and I haven't exactly been seeing eye-to-eye as of late.

But above all that, any show that can still get to me on so many levels, even with the religious aspect thrown in, I have to give some serious credit. Of course, this shows incredible depth is due to the natural chemistry of the cast as a whole, and mostly, in my personal opinion, to the skillls of Amber Tamblyn. But I digress.

The whole point of this rambling diatribe, is that I would give just about anything to meet Amber Tamblyn in person to talk with and get to know her on a deeper, more personal level. Is it so much to ask to be able to meet someone I admire this much?

So anyone out there with the connections to make this happen, I would be forever grateful.

Amber, if you happen upon this while web-surfing in your spare time: Thank you for bringing happiness into my otherwise mundane life, even if only an hour a week. You are truly a gift from God. Keep doing what you do so well.

Deep thought for the day: All you need is love. Amber: Hint, hint. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

Today is: Fartly Cloudy with a 70% chance of Pain

Jeeeezus, my life is boring!

Yes, as a matter of fact I AM BITCHING! So what? It's what I do best. We all do it. If we couldn't bitch, we'd all go nuckin' futs. Trust me, I know what I'm talkin' 'bout, Willis.

Pop culture references totally rock!

Anyway, back to bitching. It sucks not having a job, but then again it sucks having to get off my lazy butt and get a job. I want to be a rock star or a celebrity and get paid millions of dollars a week for getting in front of a camera telling jokes that I don't even have to think up myself. Then I can make multi-millions and STILL BITCH that it's not enough and that I want more money.

Money is the root of all television sitcoms.... or something like that! I have tons of funny stuff I think of all of the time, but I don't have the damn backing to do anything about it. Oh well! Screw it!

Just felt like bitching. Thanks for listening! Do me a favor, if this blathering of bullcrap makes you suicidal, when you write the note, leave me out of it. Thanks in advance!

P.S. Suicide is Stupid! Don't fricking do it! (This is what's called a disclaimer) But I also really do care. After all, things could always be worse... you could be ME!

Deep Thought for the Day: Twenty, Twenty, Twenty-four hours to go, I WANNA BE SEDATED!

Random Thought: That sound you hear when you put the shell to your ear: It's not the ocean, it's the crab that lives in the shell farting!

Okay, something needs to be said: Rachael Ray is a bona fide Hottie! I mean that in the most complimentary, non-sexist way.

This lovely lady is everything you could want in a woman. She is funny, adorable, talented, smart, and she is one hell of a great cook! I can't say enough good things about her.

I don't care what time it is in the day, if she is on Food Network when I'm flipping through channels, all bets are off because I am watching her. Whether it be 30-Minute Meals or $40 A Day, she never ceases to amaze and entertain.

She goes about her shows with an addictively bubbly personality and the sweetest smile you'll ever see, in my opinion. No matter what mood I'm in during the day I can tune her in and, by the end of the show, I can't help but be in a better mood and smile. She is almost too good to be true!

I only hope I get the opportunity to meet her someday face-to-face and tell her how happy she makes me and, hopefully, not come off sounding like some kind of creepy stalker-freak.

Rachael, if you ever read this in passing: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your just being you and for the simple happiness you bring into my life.

Today is: Hash Brown-a-riffic

The word for today is Homophone. No, it is not how you call the guys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but rather two words that are spelled differently but sound the same, such as: bored and board. Both can be used in such fun ways, though.

Examples:

James went insane and created a bust of Rosie O'Donnell from mashed potatoes and okra. Okra! Not Oprah! Pay fucking attention! Why did James do this? He was incredibly bored.

James then smashed the window of a local bank with a board, to steal money to finance his World Domination Through Rabid Bunny Rabbits campaign. Why? He was incredibly bored.

James, realizing that purebred bunnies were too expensive and would not succeed in his plot, grabbed a drill and bored a hole in his head.

The moral: When it comes to World Domination, stick to Ninja Monkeys.

Deep thought for the day: Got Milk? Yeah? So What?! That makes you special? What's that you're saying? Shut Up, I'm trying to watch Golden Girls!