Today is: Perfect for a Day After Christmas sale!

On the day after Christmas
My true love gave to me...
Nothing! It's not a damned holiday!
For God's sake, people, pay attention!

Is it just me or does the day after Christmas make you want to just kick the everloving crap out of random rude assholes more than any other day of the year. For crying out, even Christamas week, the few days before when everyone is doing their last-minute shopping because they were either too lazy, forgetful, drunk, or various combinations of these isn't quite as annoying as the day after Christmas!

All the sales that turn so many people into Savings Whores is a pain in my ass! It's like everyone out there at the sales is saying, "Hey, Santa I've been good. This is a sale, dammit! All the rules are off! I don't have to be nice again until next year, so if you try to beat me to the 10% off special nuclear-powered toaster oven with sellf-cleaning crumb tray that I thought was ugly, pointless, and stupid until I saw the 10% off I will kill you if I have to!"

I guess what I'm trying to say is that people are generally decent until THE ULTIMATE HOLIDAY SALE! commercials start popping up.

Whoever came up with the concept of holiday sales should painted white with their mouth duct-taped shut and thrown in a bin full of towels and washcloths with a 50% OFF sign and be left to be torn to shreds by two or more 400+ pound women fighting to get best deal. Maybe I'm just pissed because I had so many jobs in retail.... NAAAH! I'm just right, dammit!

Deep thought for the day: Only 364 days until next Christmas! YIPPEE! Start shopping now! The power of Marketing Genius compels you.

Today is: Christmas ( Well, la-dee-fricken-da!)

What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning? Never mind... I don't wanna know! It can't be any worse than what Jesus would do for a Klondike bar...
Now don't get pissed! It's a joke, people.

Anyway, what was I talking about again? Oh, right. Absolutely nothing. Quite well-spoken if I do say so myself. And I do! But then again what I know?
Well, for one thing, I know Cat Schwartz of TechTV fame is an absolute hottie.
Yeah, I said hottie. What of it? :P

I have to really wonder: why are all of my past blogs starting to pop into all bold type when I am pretty sure I didn't type them that way in the first place.
Dammit! It must be my evil twin up to no good again! Of course, if he weren't up to no-good he couldn't be my evil twin. Now, could he?!
I wanna be an evil twin! I wanna be an evil twin!

Anywho, Happy Holidays to everyone out there! Except for my evil twin - You suck!

Deep thought for the day: We ALL live in a yellow submarine! Even you! Deal with the truth!

OKay, not that anybody actually reads this crap I post, but what the hell? Why not? Not like I have anything interesting going on in my life to drag me away!

Okay, why do I keep setting myself up for failure? Of course, I'm talking about falling in love with someone who wants nothing more than to be friends. I really hate it. Don't misunderstand, I'm not angry with this girl, but she is amazing.

She is funny, incredibly smart, and extermely gorgeous to boot. She makes me feel so good when we talk. She is always making me smile and laugh. She makes me feel important, like the stuff I say is actually important. Even when I talk about stupid dreams about owning a Delorean because I saw one in a car lot down here in Florida, right around the corner from my house for $15,900. How cool is that?! I mean, yeah, it's something simple.

But, I tell my mother about it and she justs smirks and rolls her eyes. (Of course, she denies rolling her eyes.) I tell my father and he makes a joke about how I can get a car loan: "There's plenty of money in the bank you can get a hold of for a loan, just hand 'em a note saying: This is a stick-up..." Ha, Ha, Ha... thanks, Dad!

And, of course, my family finds it necessary to talk logically about finances, and how could I possibly afford it with my credit... blah, blah, blah.... THAT IS NOT THE DAMN POINT! It's a dream. For God's sake let me live the fantasy for a little bit before you shoot it full of holes!

Then, of course, I tell this girl I am feeling deep emotions for, and she gets it!
(Insert Hallelujah Chorus here)
She is happy for me. She shows genuine interest. How can I be so close to someone who could make me feel so special and not be able to be with her and show how much I feel for her. DAMMIT!!

I just want to hold her in my arms and let her feel my heart beating for her. Feel her warm body next to mine. Not even for sexual reasons, just to be close to her.
Her eyes, her smile, her laugh, her ability to give of herself so freely with her heart. She is a one of a kind.

I'll just say it now, because she'll probably never see this anyway: I LOVE YOU, KERI! For who you are, the person I can see you becoming, and for the way I feel just listening to the sound of your sweet, lilting voice when we talk. Even when you don't speak, your beautiful, loving eyes speak volumes. Your breath gives me life. I am forever transformed for just having known you.